NEWS IN BRIEF
SHUOZHOU - A recent study has shown that the vast majority of citizens are shocked and upset at the fact that they have yet to be physically assaulted by the former Valkyrie Games superstar and Heimdall Force operative Lyfe Bestla.
“I just think it’s ridiculous that we pay so many taxes and yet Lyfe won’t even punch me in the face, don't you agree?” one individual responded. “What is the government even doing to ensure our emotional wellbeing?”
One expert says that “the lack of a good beatdown from our beloved Miss Bestla has been a consistent failing of our society, adding that “the negative effects of never being frozen by her Wild Hunt exosuit, tazed by one of her Raven drones, or even shot at by her awakened Infinite Sight state, it’s having a serious negative effect on society. Please, harder.”
Of the people surveyed, 82% would support higher taxes if it ensured that they would receive their fair share of physical abuse, while 67% would be willing to settle for a different Heimdall Force operative, “as long as it really hurt.”
Director Tau of Yggdrasil Enterprises declined to comment.
